Slumber Party OF DOOM
by xXKanpekiXx
Summary: The all male sleepover in Lavi's room is a hotbed of het AND yaoi. Don't miss this exciting crackish tale! Yullen, LaviLena, and to a lesser extent, KroMiran
1. Chapter 1

HAHA OMG Ok, so this is going to be a Yullen, LaviLena, KuroMira soup garnished with a slight amount of JerryXKomui (just for Rebeccer) hahah major crack.

I'm really bored, so I just decided to write a sleepover ffic...Let's see how long this lasts. If you like it, I'll continue...but this one seems to move rather slow as opposed to my other ffic on here "Poor Lenalee." Straight to the point... Anyway, I wanted to make this one longer for more enjoyment...if you could call it that...

HAHA ok so this chapter, Miranda sticks her head in and they start off a rousing game of Twister...

* * *

The large room lined with suede and extremely soft pillows, cleared of its usual coat of books and historical papers, was now occupied by 4 exorcists and one very gay chef. Lavi giggled as he hugged a particularly large pillow, lined with some sort of velvet, close to his body. He was so excited!

Tonight was the first time that everyone was able to have a giant, immaturity-rich sleepover. Working at the Black Order and all, they were unimaginably busy and never had time for trivial things like that, so this was a temporary escape from their harsh reality. Most everyone was ecstatic, with the obvious exception of the scowling Japanese swordsman. Allen, who was nibbling on a large piece of mochi, took advantage of Yuu's distaste and he shot him an incredibly sweet smile, only goading Kanda into a fierce frown. Allen decided to up the cuteness level and cocked his head while grinning pointedly at Kanda.

Jerry took notice of Yuu's special attention and leaned over to the resident vampire, Arystar Krory, who was trembling in quiet anticipation.

"...Either Allen is putting on that adorable smile because I have outdone myself again with that mochi or there is something going on between those two." He whispered, eyeing the exorcists warily as Allen carefully poked Kanda's shoulder.

Krory, being so very naive, didn't quite understand what Jerry was insinuating and replied with a slow "...Then you must have made some really delicious treats because they are always like this."

Jerry, who was excellent at observing the abashed, unprofessed love of other, was not quite as keen on the naivety of his peers. "Oh really? Well, I don't doubt that my food is abso-fruitly the best, but I am just DYING to know what is going on between Allen and Kanda." He said, shaking the frazzled and very confused vampire.

"Well, Lavi seems to be very close to them. He might know..." Krory said, trailing off as his insecurity of the extent of his knowledge kicked in.

"OH! That is an excellent idea. Come along, sweetheart!" Jerry prattled as he roughly tugged Krory along by the collar over to where the soon-to-be Bookman was still throttling his pillow.

"Lavi, dear!" Jerry said in a sing-songy voice, batting his overly long eyelashes behing his dashing sunglasses.

"Oh, Jerry! Kuro-chan! Komui is running the movie over as soon as he finishes filing some papers, so it'll be here soon...or as fast as Komui CAN do his work. Oh my...We may not get to the movie at all..." Lavi muttered, quite flustered that he had not spotted this problem starring Komui's incompetence beforehand.

"Never mind that! I have something totally cereal to talk about!" Jerry yelled, pulling his very long braids in frustrationg. Krory and Lavi both looked very puzzled at Jerry's new vocabulary word.

"...cereal?" They chorused, looking in awe as the large man spun about, flailing his muscular arms around him. Obviously, they had been deprived of South Park and TV in general.

"My dears, we are in the midst of a scandal! Look over there!" Jerry pointed at Yullen with vigor. Kanda was holding back a scoff as Allen was attempting to remove the mochi from his snow-white locks with tears in his eyes over the loss of such tasty food. He launched himself on Kanda, pounding his well-toned chest, wailing about the wasted mochi and how it was all Kanda's fault.

This touching scene reached Lavi's mind, but it still evaded Krory's comprehension, so he just sat there and fiddled with his white bang...thing.

Lavi giggled more intensively and rocked back and forth on his bum. "OOOH! Jerry-chan, you're right! Suspicious, suspicious." They leaned in, looking more intensely at Allen and Kanda, laughing loudly as Kanda showed signs of a small blush when Allen's face got a little too close to his. Something was going to happen tonight. Something...bad or good? Well...you never know...

* * *

Poor Miranda Lotto shivered as she meandered about the hallways of the Black Order in nothing but a flimsy nightgown and a worried expression. She muttered to herself the usual comments about how useless she was and how much she wasn't suited for this.

_"Miranda, are you sure you don't want me to walk you back to your room? It's rather dark now and even I get lost at night." Lenalee asked, worried that Miranda, who had been chatting with her in her room, would get lost on her way back. It was nearly midnight and Miranda had a mission tomorrow. _

_"Lenalee-chan, I'll be fine. I won't get lost in my own home." Miranda assured the Dark Boots exorcist as she strolled toward the door. _

_"Alright then. Good night, Miranda." Lenalee smiled gently as she shut the door behind Miranda. _

_"...First a left...then a right...and a...wait a minute...oh no..." Miranda was lost again._

'Why couldn't I have just had Lenalee walk me back? I wouldn't have gotten lost. Oh, no I have a mission tomorrow too...I won't get enough sleep if I keep this up...Useless Miranda...' She thought as she shuffled down what seemed to be the same hallway she just came from.

It was then that she spotted the light coming from under the door of a room that looked somewhat familiar...

* * *

Another 10 minutes had passed as Lavi, who was not as cluless to Krory's mental struggle as Jerry was, clued him into what it was they were getting at. Krory's face seemed to turn redder as each word escaped Lavi's mouth. One had to wonder if Lavi could explain shonen ai properly...

As dawning comprehension loomed on Arystar's face, he looked over at Allen and Kanda once again, who were currently busy wrestling over Yuu's hair tie that the Moyashi had somehow managed to swipe. It all made sense...

The door burst open and a triumphant cry was heard as everyone spun around, expecting to see Komui holding the movie they were supposed to be watching, but instead, their eyes were met with the sight of a very thinly clothed Miranda. Everyone stared as Miranda's face turned from an expression of joy to a look of pure terror. She screamed "I'M SO SORRY, I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY ROOM!" and she turned leave, but poor, poor Miranda tripped on a conviniently placed history book.

Jerry rushed over to help the poor woman up as Krory looked on with a very reddened face. He stuttered and attempted to go to Miranda's aid, but tripped over that very same book and landed right on top of the other flustered exorcist.

Lavi could do cruel things without even trying. He had just been to lazy to shove that book into his already dangerously full closet and look at all the amusement it had brought him.

Allen and Kanda, unaware that the not-so-silent focus on them had been lifted, also gazed over. Allen shuffled over to console the upset woman and Kanda just huffed and mourned the loss of his beloved hair-tie.

After Miranda had been lifted to her shaky feet and had one of Jerry's extra-thick aprons covering her, they all agreed (they being everyone but Kandi over in the corner) that she should be escorted. Jerry, who couldn't have missed that blush on Krory's face if he tried, volunteered the hapless vampire for the task.

This was not such a bright idea as Krory, too, also had a tendancy to get lost and he was still not fully over the whole Eliade thing. But Jerry, uninterested in the flaws of his matchmaking ways, sent the two off together, hoping for the best, but fearing that they would only be caught up in more forced conversation and, even worse, more awkward silence.

Oh well, he still had that Yullen couple he needed to attend to. And the WOULD get something done. Jerry swore it on the frilliest and pinkest apron he owned.

* * *

"OW! Moyashi! Move your leg!" Kanda hissed as he brushed his sweat-covered hair out of his face.

"Ah! Bakanda! I can't. It hurts!" Allen moaned. He, too, was sweating profusely.

"Hey...Moya...shi..pfft...stop...it TICKLES." Kanda said, holding back his laughter as Allen's hair danced along Kanda's exposed neckline. Kanda, in his blatant desperation, swung his arm around and struck Allen's right wrist, stopping his support. And Allen fell. On Kanda.

"You guys really suck at this game..." Lavi said snidely as his fiddled with the arrow on the spinner.

"You try it you stupid rabbit!" Kanda shouted, blushing from the now crumpled Twister mat. Lavi grinned and jumped flat on top of Kanda and Allen, smushing them into a bishonen sandwich.

"OK! Jerry, take the spinner!"

* * *

Well, here's the first chapter. When I think of inspiration, I will write more. Don't worry, I have some. I just don't want to write it right now...Maybe in half an hour XD. Well, did you like it? Reviews are like Yullen. Necessary for me to live. Please review if you like!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Haha I'm sorry I haven't update in for flippin ever! LOL School has just been dominating me and my free time as well as tennis. Geez...and I need to practice for softball. I WILL STILL TRY TO UPDATE!

Anyone like Death Note, Prince of Tennis, or Phoenix Wright? I have some wonderful crack posted on my account if you do! Haha This chapter, I sneaked in more Komui because everyone loves him! XD And Kanda reluctantly accepts a dare that will horribly scar him for the rest of his life. It may seem horribly cliched, but it's late and my contacts are slipping which means my writing abilities are lacking...XD At least I'm listening to Jason Mraz.

I was thinking of starting a series of crack for D.Gray-Man as well, kind of like my other crack series, just not so...themed. XD If you read it, you'll totally know what I mean. Tell me what you think!

And if you are a Yullen fan like your's truly, check out "Poor Lenalee." There is more Yullen coming from me as well! :D Stay tuned!

* * *

After the Twister mat, or rather, the tattered remains of the Twister mat (as destroyed by Mr. Sulking Swordsman), Lavi scanned his brain for more fun ideas.

He was just on the verge of actually bypassing all his history knowledge and selecting the files for normal life, which were very few in number, Krory came bursting in with a red face and some sort of discolored liquid dripping down his hair.

Allen did a double take at Krory and rushed to aid the vampire remove whatever was in his silky locks as the flustered exorcist explained what happened.

* * *

And so the glorified tale of the vampire and the ...German lady...wandered some unfamiliar territory. Sorry folks, not much happens...yet... THINK TO THE FUTURE!

_It was still very dark and the freshly lit torches lining the hallways did little to help the dense night. _

_And for two hapless exorcists, that was not a good thing. _

_The preceding 10 minutes had been spend stumbling around blindly with small spills and moderately amusing accidents. The vampire, who was completely ignoring that fact that his kind thrive in the dark, hobbled around on his newly injured foot and glanced over at his equally flustered female counterpart. _

_Her eyes were growing increasingly weary and tired and Krory knew that if they didn't find her room soon, she would collapse in the hallway. And Krory, being the clumsy gentleman that he was, simply could not allow that. _

_So, this is precisely why he suggested going to the science department that was close by and asking for directions. _

_Big mistake. _

_Once they entered the bustling department still at work during these late hours, the pair was ambushed, with coffee being spilt over their heads. After rushed apologies from both sides, for spilling coffee and for wasting coffee, they were both ushered back to their rooms. _

* * *

Lavi snickered a bit and Allen made a face that looked as if he had just been told that Komui let his sister start dating.

While the pity party was still raging on for poor Krory, Kanda scoffed in the corner and alerted Allen to his needs. Yes, Kanda has proven very needy. It had been at least a minute since the stupid moyashi has bothered him about something and Kanda was not used to that.

Once he had determined the coffee would be safely removed from his fellow exorcist's hair, said Moyashi skipped off to resume his futile attempts at braiding the brooding swordsman's hair.

After Jerry had scrubbed the last of the cooled caffeine from the top of Arystar's head, Lavi was back in his earlier predicament.

He had to figure out more things to do so he could:

1) Entertain himself. (And Jerry)

2) Forcefully push Allen and Kanda together.

3) Create some horribly embarrassing moments to be used for future blackmail.

And then it came to him.

That historically stuffed redhead of his had come through after all!

He giggled and raised his hand as if he were still a young, 18 year old school boy.

He yelled "Jerry-Sensei! Pick me! Pick me!" He added a few rabbit bounces for good measure. And, of course, the flamboyant chef called on his star pupil.

"Well, I think it's time for a game of truth or dare!" Lavi shouted, raising both his hands in the air and flailing them about like a lunatic. Jerry squealed and agreed whole heartedly, while hefting both Kanda and Allen on his shoulders and hauling them to finish the semi-circle that himself, Lavi, and Krory were forming.

Since Lavi had been the self-proclaimed genius to select the game, he decided that it was his right to go first.

Now, I could give you the nice, polite, socially acceptable version of the following events, or I could give you the...err...frowned upon truth...

I see you have selected your choice. The latter has always proven more entertaining.

Wise move.

So, Lavi pointed at his best brooding friend, Yuu, and screamed the famed phrase "TRUTH OR DARE?"

Kanda, not wanting to be patronized from the moyashi, the gay chef, and the retarded rabbit about being a wet blanket of sorts, decided to play it safe. Not wanting anything to be...ahem...revealed, he decided to choose dare.

Oh, how wrong he was.

"Dare then."

Lavi giggled and consulted in hushed whispers about what they should force poor, vulnerable Yuu to do. Many things came to mind, but above all, this one took the cake.

Lavi took another 10 seconds to soothe his laughter before calmly explaining, through strained giggles, that Kanda was to... give a dance of sorts...

...on Allen's lap...

That's right, ya'll.

Kanda had to give Allen a lapdance.

The face that the dumbfounded exorcist made was truly priceless and Lavi cursed himself for lacking the foresight to bring a camera. He was a Bookman, for crying out loud! He should always be prepared. Oh well, just seeing this should be good enough.

Lavi, in his self-pity party, glanced over at Allen, who was looking genuinally confused.

Jerry's face lit up again and, in much the same way that they had explained the concept of shonen ai to Krory, they explained the wonders of such an erotic activity to the stunned moyashi.

Allen, who was looking equally as flustered as Mr. I-Think-I-Shall-Annihilate-You-All who had scooted his way back into that corner, found his boyish voice and, voice faltering and all, said "This is a punishment for me too! I...I don't w-want such a t-t-thing from K-k-kand-da."

Kanda scoffed and muttered "Not like I'd want to give you one either."

Lavi, not liking the slow rate this was traveling at, decided to speed up the process in a way that only a stupid rabbit could.

"I'll bet that Yuu is just embarrased that he can't do it."

Jerry, picking up on Lavi's "brilliance" jumped right on board.

"Oh, I'll bet you're right. Maybe he'd be so unskilled that he'd...dare I say it...fall off!"

Kanda glared, obviously effected by that snide comment. Jerry continued his reign of fabulousness.

"Maybe we should have someone show him how it's done. Someone like graceful and pretty. Of course, since I am not trained in the erotic arts, I would not do. Maybe...Lenalee?"

Jerry, that wonderfully gay chef, had just killed two birds with one stone.

Not just killed; murdered.

With a sharp rock.

And a frying pan ready underneath. (eeew)

As Lavi's face was colored blood red, a loud dropping sound was heard outside the door.

Komui, thankfully unaware of the context in which his sister's name had been used, came bursting in, screaming his beloved little sister's name as usual. He stayed only a few minutes, prolonging the lapdance-free minutes, bitching and moaning all the while about all the work he still had left.

All in all, he really had half an hour of real work left, but his otherworldly exaggerating kicked in, yet again, and he made it sound as if he would be at it for another day.

Once he left, all eyes shifted to Kanda again, who was still fuming over the utterly ridiculous idea that he could be useless at anything he tried. He was still not keen on the idea of having to commit such a vile, vile sin with the moyashi, but he was more keen on avoiding rabbit-led torture.

He stood up suddenly and marched straigh over to the still shaken British chap, scaring the poor thing even worse.

Slowly, but surely, Kanda's hips began to sway softly to silent music as his began to lower himself slowly onto Walker's lap.

Allen, who looked so completely horrified, also had a growing lump in his pants.

Whether he had a large deposit of snack foods choosing to surface now or he had another sort of growing problem, it needed to be tended to.

So, just as Kanda was going into the part of his very polished routine where he gropes just about everything in reach, Allen pushed Kanda off of him and stumbled to the bathroom, greatly resembling Krory when he discovered that eating things labled "Ex-Lax" do bad things to your stomach.

Lavi, who was yet again reduced to giggles, tripped Allen on his way to the can and threw the very put-off swordsman right on top of the confused moyashi and creating yet another bishonen sandwich.

Both blushing furiously, they yelled shocked and appauled phrases loudly, trying their best to regain composure with their...matching...growing dilemmas. The three other exorcists in the room, all watching silently with awed looks painting their expressive faces, had completely forgotten about the game of truth or dare and decided to break out the handy dandy video camera...OF DOOM!

Sadly, by the time Jerry had fetched his very pink video camera from the kitchens where he made his own cooking shows, the show was over and both the moyashi and the swordsman were back, trying to rid themselves of their embarrassment. "Shoot" Jerry muttered.

He tucked the device into his apron and sat down next to his favorite vampire.

Lavi was back in that same place he started.

He began scanning his brain for more slumber party ideas...

* * *

Reviews give my Lavi-like plotbunnies ffic writing fuel XD. Tell me if you liked it! Ideas are welcome too :D


	3. Chapter 3

OMG It's been way too long and this chapter's way too short! I'm sorry! But I will keep working on this story as I have some amazing ideas, mostly taken from the softball sleepovers my team has. It's hard to say we're not lesbians after discussing what we do when we're together...DIKEBALL FOR LIFE!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy what little is here...I actually own the book mentioned later in this chapter and it will appear in the next chapter as well :D

* * *

As he sat atop his pillow throne, Lavi pulled his handy dandy notebook from its hiding place, tucked inside his rabbit ears.

He flipped anxiously to the chapter on fun torture/sleepover games and, considering his options, decided to play a drinking game. This didn't really work since Jerry and Krory were the only ones legally allowed to have alcohol, but Lavi and his incredibly versatile imagination was always one step ahead.

"Hey, let's play 'I Never'! Or 10 Fingers. Whatever you call it." He yelled spreading his arms wide and beaming at his fellow slumberpartiers. Allen looked astonished, though that expression could have been a remnant from his…err…ordeal. With the swordsman.

Jerry, however, wiggled around in excitement, absofruitly giddy with anticipation.

"How do you play this 'I Never' game, Oh Great Leader of ours?" He asked and Lavi launched into his full blown explanation, first making sure Allen, Kanda, and Krory were being oh-so attentive.

"Usually, this is a drinking game played with alcohol, but since the majority of us are minors, it's not going down like that and the whole 10 fingers concept it too boring. We can play with our clothing instead! So, if it's my turn, I say a statement and it has to be something I've never done. If you have done it, then you have to take an article of clothing off. So, I'll start. I've never given Allen a lapdance. Yuu," Lavi looked pointedly at the long-haired Japanese beauty before continuing, "now has to take a piece of clothing off." Kanda grumbled as she shook his head partly in disbelief and partly out of obstinate refusal.

"No." Lavi grinned.

"Ok, then that was just a practice round anyway. Alright, who wants to go first? "Jerry raised his hand and shook it vigorously.

"I've never kissed a girl."

Allen and Kanda sat motionless, but Lavi and Krory both were forced to take off a sock.

"…Eliade…" he whispered, then refocusing on the game. Allen went next, deciding to embarrass Lavi a bit more and get him out faster.

"I've never flipped a girl's skirt." He said, filling with pride as Lavi was forced to remove another sock. The game progressed, many of the questions having less to do with girls and more to do with Akumas and their work. Lavi was damn near naked at this point and pretty bored. Seeing an ominous change in the line of questioning, Lavi's turn was utilized to its fullest.

"I've never imagine Yuu in any sort of sexually inappropriate manner." Kanda scowled, but he was at least glad to hear that Lavi hadn't.

He was even happier to see Allen take his shirt off.

Not that he'd show it, of course.

"What the…?"

Allen looked abashed and said "I didn't want to! Lenalee used her powers of suggestion and I…I…it's my turn. I have never masturbated in a public area." Jerry blinked.

"What do you mean by 'public areas'?"

"Anywhere but your bedroom." Allen replied, crossing his arms over his bare chest and waiting for the reaction.

And then, something incredible happened.

Everyone took another piece of clothing off.

Allen stared blankly, not knowing exactly what to think. Kanda grimaced and mumbled something about training areas and strange winds. Krory managed to stumble out a "Once, in the village, I was locked in the library and a book…" No one asked Jerry why he'd fessed up for fear of the answer coming anywhere near their food. (HAHA That's a good joke! 2 layers!) And no one needed to ask Lavi, who by that time was quite naked.

Realizing the game had ended, the group redressed and reassembled themselves, preserving what remained of their tarnished dignities. Just as Lavi was pulling his tight leather trousers up, the advent of the savior was at hand.

Komui, fresh from the lab, was holding a small orange book which, upon closer inspection, was labeled "Would You Rather?" More fun had just arrived. Komui settled down in between Krory and Jerry while he flipped to the most interesting section in the book: The Sex Chapter. No introduction was necessary; everyone knew what was going to happen. Except Krory, but he kept his naivety to himself. Komui's eyes scanned a page before widening and his smile usurped his face.

"Would you rather only have low passion, obligatory trying to get pregnant sex or kinky over the top bondage sex with you as the submissive?" They went around in their happy circle and gave their respective answers. Well, Kanda didn't exactly give his, but Allen made a very good guess at what he would have wanted.

Allen said "We would bother rather the over the top bondage…I think." That earned them some weird looks. Kanda got all pissy and smacked Allen in the head. The poor Moyashi whipped round and demanded "Oh so you would rather the pregnancy sex?" Kanda looked away, shaking his head slightly.

Lavi sweated a bit in his seat, but ended up giving the same answer. Only Krory really chose the other option… But that was to be expected; he didn't really know what bondage was…

He could only hope he could understand the next question…

* * *

Yaaaaaay! More inappropriate questions next chapter! Stay tuned! It'll get better!


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